some day you will find me
by iffulovedme
Summary: ItaSasu. Ever since Itachi's death Sasuke's own has been slowly drawing closer, stealing everything he stands for until all that's left is an empty shell. An old friend delievers the final blow, sending Sasuke off into the next life and bliss.
1. Nothing else matters

You're still here. In every inhalation, in my every thought. Not a millisecond goes by where I don't miss you, need you, yearn for your touch. I don't know what to do. I've lost my way – and it's all your fault. I've always chased after you into some unsure, unwritten future. I never knew where you were, but gladly trailed behind you, vengeful. But now…I know where you are. Six feet underground. And it's so so wrong.

When you died, I thought my own heart would stop. That I'd die along with you. I was surprised, I supposed, to see so much blood. I thought you were inhuman, godlike.

I look in the mirror and I see you behind me, quietly observing, judging. Like you always have. And I know it's stupid but I grew out my hair. Until I avenge the Uchiha clan, I refuse to cut it. In a way, nothing has changed. But in another, I might as well be living in an alternate universe. Where you aren't here. And it's horrible and I'm lonely.

They say it takes only one person to believe for a god to be born, and there is no one I believe in more than you.

There's this dream I have every night. Where I'm standing in front of a mirror and you're trapped inside. You're calling to me. I don't-_can't_- reach you. I slam my fist repeatedly into it, trying to break the glass, trying to help you escape. As though doing this will be my redemption. But it doesn't crack. Never, not once. Suddenly, there is an assortment of weapons. I seize them like a life preserver. I. need. to. reach. you. Crazed with an urgency that I couldn't for the life of me explain, the burning desperation to feel your hand holding mine, your lips against mine. My love -my need- for you power, your strength, soul, heat, love…and always I wake up with tears in my eyes, a pain in my chest that I know will never go away. It is trapped there, like you, behind that unbreakable barrier.

One night (it was bound to happen) I grow angry with the inevitable.

"You're _dead_, Itachi!"

My shout reverberates around the room, as shaky and unstable as my state of mind. And I can't stand it. Leave me alone, go away, do you hear me? LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! I don't want to remember, I don't want to hurt anymore! Take these blasted memories away. They're poisoning me – robbing me of my sanity which was slowly deteriorating ever since I held your heart in my hand. But no, it was my heart in your hands. Always, forever. Never letting go, not even once. Not even in death.

And then I stop dreaming. But rather than feeling angry, remorseful. I feel only a vindicating pleasure. Because after your betrayal there's nothing that can hurt me anymore. My heart can't break into smaller pieces.


	2. Just promise me

I face Naruto now, my thoughts not on him and his uncontrollable chakra, but on you. About how very near I am to seeing you once more. But I should be concentrating on Naruto, his demon. Every time he punches me, it feels like a poke, annoying but nothing more. I've suffered the worst, your abandonment, and it hasn't killed me. Nothing, no amount of physical blows can match the emotional agony your death has wrecked upon my psyche. I'm aware that I'm bleeding severely, that my vision is growing dim. I no longer care what is real and what is not.

"Sasuke-teme!" Naruto's voice, so filled with pain. I don't think I could imagine a worse sound. This must be how he sounded when he learned all those years ago of my departure. "I thought you'd put up more of a fight! Sasuke…" He wants me to fight, wants to knock me down, see me fall. But I can fall no lower, Naruto, can't you see that? But I understand. Because I know that for Naruto, I'm probably the closest thing to what you were to me. I do understand, so I say what I always wanted you to say to me, "Sorry, brat. But it hurts too much. I don't want to fight anymore. Let's stop. You're a strong kid; you'll survive. I did, and you will too."

And Naruto sees that I'm not talking to him. That I don't see him. He sees that it's you I'm talking to, you who I care about.

"Sasuke-I thought you were okay. Kakashi said…Even Sakura believed…."

I smile weakly. I have no strength to smile truly, so a facile one will have to do. "You, more than anyone, should know what it's like to hold up a façade." I'm talking about his dumb, class clown act. "But I'm done pretending, Naruto. I'm going to be free…"

"C'mon, Sasuke. Don't let Itachi defeat you! He only wins if you die now!"

He doesn't understand that you've already won. That the moment I thought you were the bad guy, the moment I learned that you weren't, you'd won.

I shake my head, or try to. It just rolls to the side and Naruto has to move so we can maintain eye contact. "Nii-san…was always stronger." I cough, blood spewing forth. I can't see anything now. But I can hear Naruto howl my name. Sorry, Dobe. But you're calling me. Arms wrap around me. I'd know that embrace anywhere. It's the touch I've been longing for since the moment I was born.

_Itachi_.


	3. You'll never let go

I don't care if we're in the seventh circle of hell.

"Long time no see, Otouto. You defeated Madara all by yourself. And even gave Naruto a run for his money. I guess you don't need me anymore."

You're teasing, it's a joke. But it's not funny.

"No," I whisper. "I need..." And I clutch at you, my brother. My Itachi.

"Come, let's observe the upcoming battle. I'm sure it'll prove amusing."

You take me by the hand and I go willingly. I have your ring; I took it from your finger on that day. I wear it as a necklace, a reminder. I can feel it, cold and metallic against my chest. I should give it back to you – I don't need memories – now that I have the real thing. But there's no hurry – we have eternity.

"Naruto killed me," I say solemnly, my brain a muddle of questions.

"He set you free," you correct, gently tugging me into your arms.

_Just keep holding me like this. _

Everything went so wrong in our lifetime. This time, we get to do it right. And we have forever to try.

You let go of my hand and I don't panic, for once. Because you start takigg off your shirt. I drink in the sight.

"I thought you said we had forever," I ask, all innocence.

"I like to get an early start. What do you think, Sasuke?"

Your voice is gentle, caressing my name. And I shiver. You know what I think. I know it's on my face. My blatant desire, the sheer enormity of my love and respect.

And you laugh softly, but not meanly. We compliment and complement each other. We are two parts of the same whole. We complete each other. In this crazy world, to be so sure of this is important.

_This time we'll be lucky._

"Let's start with a kiss," I suggest.

"And what shall we finish with?"

In a short amount of time, we are playing the other's body as a captain commands his ship. With grace and power and relentlessness. With ferocity and competence. And then, you are in me, your arms around me, holding me. Gently rocking back and forth, bringing us to new heights of pleasure. And our love that has the fresh sweetness of first love and the vitality of true love condenses, expelling us both into a new world. We are reborn as one with fragments of stardust and cherry blossoms showering us, bathing us in their soft glow. It is there, as we are clasped to each other's quivering bodies, that I know I am home.

_Nothing else matters. Just promise me you'll never let go. _

~Fin


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